Jess did this and I thought I would warn my own agitators.1) American Apparel: imagine my surprise when after finally mustering the courage to enter one of these blasted hipster holes and purchasing an overpriced pair of leggings a few months ago, the leggings were actually great and held up fantastically. "Well, I'll go right back and buy another!" I trumpeted recently. "Not quire, fatty lamey Magoo!" American Apparel chastised. I wore the second identical pair twice before ripping a giant hole in the crotch. That's more like it!
2) Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants 2: To be fair, I had a marvelous time cackling at Cory's TV yesterday afternoon due to the sheer absurdity of this movie, shrieking such statements as "Waaaaahhh, I'm snotty America!, "Rigggggggght," and "just go buy Plan B, bitch!"
3)Knees: as long as I keep running, my knees are ALWAYS on notice, until...further notice.
4) Thedailyplate.com, or now "livestrong.com": should be livesuck.com! Burn! Once upon a time, this website was a very cool resource for meal planning and weight loss, but technical bugs that have prevailed the past couple months have made it unusable, which is a shame.
5) Dingleberries: I love you Curly, but I'm thinking about shaving your butt.
6) Yelling Neighbors: I love you, landlord, but I think y'all need a visit from Supernanny or something, because the constant shouting at your kids in place of time outs makes me very sad and consistently harshes my buzz.
7) Lazy Orthopedic Surgeon: I really like this guy, but when I called to ask his receptionist when I could expect my co-payment check to be cashed--dated almost a month ago--she said, "oh, I'm not sure when he'll get to the bank." Fantastic, presumably when he takes all the other money he keeps in a tube sock out from underneath his mattress...I know it's Sheepshead Bay, but c'mon.
8) Denise Richards Colon It's Complicated: Do you ever feel guilty about certain celebrities completely repulsing you for no valid reason? Me neither. I can't stand that woman. I have no idea why.
3 comments:
Hahaha, I read that at first as "Denise Richards' Colon - It's Complicated" when I suspect you meant "Denise Richards: It's Complicated." Also, lawls at shaving Curly's butt.
Oh, it's a joke from The Soup--Joel McHale always says the name of the show that way!
Ahhh. Still, it's funny to think that you have a problem with Denise Richards' colon.
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